Recovery and Redemption
by MisterWinterGreene
Summary: Harrys life after the war, His struggles to regain Ginny's trust and pull through the mess the war has left him. Ginny and Harry, some Ron and Hermoine.


Harry sank down onto the bed in the seventh years boys dormitory, thankful beyond measure that he finally had a place to rest. His body felt like it had been chiseled out of stone and busted with a sledge hammer repeatedly. The young hero sank back into the wonderfully soft, luxurious bed and closed his eyes; immediately everyone he loved and cared for, those who had died for him and his cause, swam into his vision. Harry's eyes jolted open as he bolted upright, unimaginable pain taking a vice grip on his heart and wretched at it like a storm tossing it in the bay. The hallow, Broken shell of a wizard clenched his fist tightly, as the pain intensified into anguish and guilt, shredding his soul into pieces once again. "Why didn't I give myself up sooner? If I had just faced Voldemort in the beginning, no one would've had to die! I would've saved so many." Harry thought bitterly. Self-loathing spiraled up with Harry's sorrow and guilt. His body started to shake as his anger skyrocketed, making him feel like the world was against him, like fate itself wanted his life to be a miserable, loathsome hell of a ride. so harry jumped to his feet in his rage slamming his wand down onto the bedside table, as he spun around and grabbed a wooden chair, witch had been sitting by the bed, and hurled it across the room, when the chair didn't break, harry lost it. He ruched over to his table and snatched up his wand then pointed it directly at the chair. " BOMBARDA!" the chair exploded into thousands of little slivers, but then just as suddenly as it had come Harry's anger plummeted back to the darkest depths of his soul only to be replaced by a sharp, stabbing self-loathing, and a dull aching depression.

"now everyday people, like the Weaselly, have to look at me and remember their family and friends who died to protect a scrawny 17 year old boy who could have ended it all in seconds." Harry thought morosely. The thought of all the pain Harry had caused, and would cause, by still being a living walking relic of the great war that ravaged so many lives, overwhelmed him. Harry knew he couldn't bare the burden, it was to much. so the young tortured man snatched his wand from the beside table, where he had replaced it after blowing up the chair, now taking deep sobbing breaths, pressed his wand against his throat. " I'm sorry" Harry sobbed, his hand shaking uncontrollably. "Ginny, Ron, Hermoine, Remus, Tonks, Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasly, Fred, George, Teddy, everyone I'm so sorry...this is the only way i can fix this." Harry took a deep ragged breath, shaking uncontrollably. " avada ke-" "HARRY NO!" a scream rent the room and harry felt himself be knocked slightly backwards as his wand went flying from his hand. right into Hermoine's. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HARRY?" Hermoine stared, with a very worried tone, at harry, who looked away unable to look at someone he had caused so much pain. ''Answer me Harry" Hermoine whispered, as her adrenaline slowed. Harry was slow to replied. "Hermoine...I cant walk around causing so much pain...everywhere i go people will see me and remember all there pain." "I can't just walk around being a reminder of all that bad things that have happened" Hermoine looked at harry for a long minute, wondering if perhaps something inside had snapped. he was usually so good at seeing things the way everyone else did. "your so wrong harry." she murmured. "do you know what everyone will see when they see you? They see a Savior, they see the man who finally inconceivably stopped the dark lord." Harry looked hollowly at Hermoine. After a shallow pause harry replied, "OK Hermoine if you say so." Hermoine desperately looked at harry. knowing that he didn't believe her. she watched his gaze drop to his wand in her hand. she gripped it tighter, "i cant let you have this back harry, not right away..." harry turned his hallow gaze back to her eyes, then sighed "fine, I'm goin to bed" Hermoine bit her lip, as harry rolled over facing away from her, fully clothed, and shut his eyes. she was going to have to go talk to Ginny and Ron about this pronto. after casting a quick protective spell over the door she raced down the stairs.

...

After several hours, Harry awoke, groggy and confused. He stiffened slightly, when he heard whispered voices behind him. "oh damn, why did i let Hermoine have my wand?" Harry mentally berated himself. He stiffened further when the whispers became louder, but then he realized that he knew that voice speaking. that soft, wonderful, fiery voice of the one and only Ginny Weasly. it sounded like she was arguing with Ron and Hermoine. "He would kill us if we carted him off to st Mungos!" she hissed. Hermoine hissed back "but hes gonna kill himself if we don't!" Harry heard Ginny huff angrily as Ron stepped in'' now I'm sure Harry can be spoke with about this, we need to talk to him before we decide anything" unbeknownst to Harry, all three in the room turned to look at his apparently sleeping figure. He heard a soft whimper "I hope hes gonna be OK" Hermoine whispered through tears. Ginny sniffed ever so slightly " I'm sure he will be'' Ron murmured Ron put his arm around Hermoine as Ginny walked closer to harry, lightly reaching out to touch his hair. "what am I doing?" harry wondered to himself "_there all hurting too, and I'm such a __arse, __being all depressed, __I__ didn't even think about being strong for them_" Harry closed his eyes at Ginny's soft touch on his hair. "_later_" he decided, when he heard them all agree to lay down and sleep. He would apologize to them all after they slept.

Harry rolled onto his back, once he thought they were all asleep. Thoughts and emotions cascading through his head, in a somewhat more calm manner than before he slept. He still felt slightly ashamed of his weakness earlier, but he promised himself that it wouldn't be like that anymore. Even if he had to hide his troubles from them, he would stay strong for them. Harry rolled over onto his side, to his misfortune he found one Ginny Weasly staring right at him. "..._shit_" he thought, as she slipped out of her bed and slowly walked over to him. Harry felt a small amount of fear well up inside him. Did she still want him, was there still enough of him left to give her? was she gonna hex him into oblivion for leaving? was she gonna hex him even worse for playing dead? Ginny stood in front of him, staring, for a minute. "morning?" Harry asked sheepishly. Ginny frowned at him. "Is that all you have to say after all this?" she asked softly. Looking down at him as the conflict was slowly revealed in her eyes. Harry gulped past the lump that was forming in his throat. "What do you want me to say?" He asked his voice going hoarse. Ginny looked down at him, biting her lip, as she seemed to be rolling something around in her brain. "later" she whispered. Harry just nodded, not trusting himself to speak, a bad feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. "scoot over" she mumbled not making eye contact with him. Harry moved over and let her under the covers, the feeling in his stomach taking deep root. She snuggled against him quietly her back against his chest. Harry thought he heard a quit sniffle, but he didn't say anything. Harry just started at the ceiling deep in thought late into the night.


End file.
